I have owned many laptops from different companies including Dell, Compaq, IBM, HP, Toshiba and many other generic manufacturers and found no optical drive was ever quiet. So I think trying to find one that is will be hard.
My tip is try using CD software that emulates CD's instead. There are some views they don't work with all CD's especially with the latest of games, but I have not come across this personally. I find that all my CD's can be emulated without a glitch. I even find some encripted CD's that don't allow you to make backup copy with Nero burner or EZ CD Creator will work fine with Virtual CD 7.0.