I don't believe the list that Judge posted, but I do believe in equal time to state opposing opinion.
I don't buy either list. Are you finding these as funny as the other list?
So then by standards already stated here this is the definition of a US conservative.
1. You have to be against abortion but pro-war (I've seen real life examples).
2. You have to believe that governments create oppression as their primary mission and all corporations have ethics. All those chemicals in your drinking water were placed there by the serpent hiding in Eden 4000 years ago.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of all citizens are not a threat and there no limit to the money to be spent on U.S. weapons technology to deter the Chinese and North Korean communists, but all other US spending is 100% inept and unimportant. See also #13.
4. You have to believe that there was no successful corn industry before federal funding. Or oil industry. or milk industry, or all the others that get annual corporate welfare.
5. You have to believe that earth's climate is totally unaffected by man and won't believe otherwise even if the planet becomes totally uninhabitable. To suggest otherwise means you give up personal safety and I get to kill you with full justification. I'm never wrong, I'm a conservative. That proves I'm right. Really, really, right.
6. You have to believe that but being homosexual requires stoning, like it says in the Bible, except for certain conservatives who mistakenly opted to be this way. They didn't know any better, and we're performing brainwashing techniques to correct their defects. We also neutered them when they weren't looking, we're justified in doing that, it's our right, really really right.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because God decided to punish the US for its gay rights. 9-11 was also punishment, but the US didn't take the hint, it needs to be repeated.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't control her students because their whacko parents defend them regardless of what they do or who they shoot is somehow actually going to get through to these kids about anything. You also believe that if kids have no sex education from school they obviously won't be having any sex at all. It's not like hormones all of a sudden flood the body. Abstinence has worked well for Palin and her family, right? Really really right.
9. You have to believe that hunters care about nature, based on all the lead they leave everywhere and won't ever change to other materials, while you single PETA activists as the norm for the other party.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem through screwing another is more important than actually doing work. That is the current US definition of opportunity. Work is for fools, easy opportunity is for smart people like the CEO's of Goldman Sacs, Chase, BoA, and BP.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" to have a leg to stand on during his drunken anti-Semitic remarks. As a conservative one extreme always justifies the other.
12. You have to believe the NRA is good because it railroads its stance and winning is all that counts, while the ACLU is bad because while it supports certain parts of the Constitution, they are the ones conservatives don't care about, which means they don't count for all citizens.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too high and only anarchy rules, but ATM fees are not too high, because we endorse reverse Robin Hood-ism, based on irrational paranoia of socialism, whose definition conservatives can't get right far too often, but blame the education system for that particular ignorance. See item #8.
14. You have to believe that the CEOs of Chase and Goldman Sacs are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison. Ken Lay and the CEO of Tyco were simply misunderstood. Greed is good, everything else is socialism. We believe in Jesus too, just not his work. We're too righteous to be questioned, it automatically makes you unpatriotic.
15. You have to believe that calling Obama a monkey is not racist, and corporate racial and sexual discrimination don't exist in this country even after proven in a court of law.
16. You have to believe that the only reason capitalism has failed elsewhere is because they don't have the degree of nepotism we have.
17. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, left-wing conspiracy.
1) a) Yes b) While I reject the idea of being "pro-war" (never met someone who LIKES war), I am shocked that you can't differentiate between a military conflict and slaughtering helpless babies
2) a) the EPA certainly does, the IRS does to a degree b) not all but most c) what? The devil put chemicals in drinking water? never heard that one.
3) It IS good. The gov't should fear the people, not the other way around b) should be a limit, for sure c) we spend far too much on stuff that we never should have promised everyone. Handouts benefit the lazy.
4) Conservatives are against corn subsidies. Oil subsidies are not "corporate welfare", a tax break is not a tax refund. They still pay huge amounts of taxes. To call it "welfare" is blindly ignorant. Welfare is money given to lazy people who don't work. Subsidies are a reduction in tax rate to make something profitable. IE- instead of paying 1 billion in taxes, you only need to pay 500 million on taxes. You are still getting money. If you eliminate the subsidies, you might get 0 (if it's not profitable, they may shut it down).
5) true! Environmental factors totally dwarf anything we've been able to do thusfar to change the climate. See: Mt. Penetubo
6) False. I have never met a conservative or christian who wants to stone someone. We believe it is wrong, but it's not a capital offense.
7) a) I'm inclined to believe that. It's mainly a problem for homosexuals and drug users (not entirely, though) b) no
Lol- this is ridiculous. Conservatives believe children should be responsible for their actions. Shooting someone? Ridiculous. Palin? Who gives a crap. This might be your worst point in the whole list.
9) Ever heard of steel shot? I don't think a couple small copper-encased lead bullets are going to ruin nature. b) PETA people are whackos
10) That's a liberal ideal. Conservatives believe you should earn what you have. Liberals think if you can sue for it that's good enough. Fundamental christians believe you should avoid lawsuits as much as possible, and that screwing over someone isn't right (see: the golden rule). So on the one hand conservatives are religious zealots, and then they are completely devoid of religion? Which is it? Oh and the CEO of goldman sachs is in bed with the current (liberal) regime- how does that fit your theory?
11) Who cares about Mel Gibson?
12) NRA is good, ACLU is good in some cases but wrong in others (did you know they supported a womens right to do illegal drugs while pregnant?)
13) Uh... lol? Reverse robinhoodism? Taxes are too high, but that doesn't leave the only alternative as Anarchy.
14) No, I've never heard someone say this. Another ridiculous statement. Conservatives revere the constitution and the founding fathers, not people who are super rich.
15) Calling him a monkey is racist, for sure. b) huh? Quota systems are wrong.
16) Where has it failed?
17) No, it's more like a poorly written, ridiculous diatribe that is sadly confused and misguided. It's not even as catchy as the origional.
Look- saying taxes are too high and government is too large is not suggesting Anarchy. No on is suggesting Anarchy. Of course, most anarchists are extremely left-wing, not right- but you knew that, of course. Greed is bad. Conservatives do no seeminly support rich people because they admire their extreme wealth or sometimes greedy tactics. We don't support "seizing assets" or redistributing wealth from productive earners to often lazy non-productive bums. We don't believe the gov't should be responsible for providing health care for people who want to "explore art" or wander around aimlessly while they discover themselves.
I am amazed at the hatred and contempt on display by certain people here. I thought the "right" was supposed to be the hateful ones.